Hanging On!

The last couple of days have been a bit more difficult for me emotionally than usual.  Sometimes it's hard to live by faith when you're dealing with reality.  If you've never had to deal with terminal illness, death, or other misfortunes of life, don't be quick to judge.

I want to be "a woman of faith."  Instead, I find myself becoming tired, more tired, and most tired - physically, emotionally and (yes, I admit it) even spiritually.  I don't understand why miracles don't occur EVERY time we ask, if we're doing our best to live an upright life before God.  I don't understand why miracles happen one time and not another.  What's the formula?  Is there a secret code?  Doesn't God see or care?

I rest in knowing that He DOES see, and He DOES care.  That's why He has given me some priceless relationships with special friends along the way.  That's why He has given me such a special man to spend my life with.  That's why He gave us two wonderful children, a precious daughter-in-law and five super grandchildren.  That's why my extended family, on both sides, is so unbelievably supportive and affirming.  He cares and He sees.  Some of it is left up to me.

Even when I'm feeling my weakest, I know that I can hang onto Him.  He never weakens, gets tired of supporting me, or turns a deaf ear.  What a comfort!  So, at the moment, I'm just hanging.  Sometimes it's barely by a toenail, but "this, too, shall pass."  I've put on my armor, and I'm standing my ground.

Ephesians 6:12-16

King James Version (KJV)

¹²For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
¹³Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
¹⁴Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
¹⁵And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
¹⁶Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

God Still Sees Us.

The last couple of weeks have brought more subtle backsets in Don's condition.  The most recent and concerning is the problem he's having with his neck.  It "aches" a lot and he has trouble holding his head upright.  At the ALS Clinic yesterday, they said that those muscles are probably weakening significantly and suggested he prepare himself for a neck brace that will fit in under his chin and hold his head up.  He's bucking it, but, at the same time, he knows he's going to have to change his thinking.  So, I started the ball rolling this evening for him to get the neck brace.  He said today has been his worst day with the neck problem.  It almost seems as if his body is folding into itself.

Then, this morning, Dondra, Jeff, Julie, Emily and Stephen came over and cleaned out the garage quite a bit.  It was fun to watch Don light up when they discovered some old relic he had been holding onto for years.  And it was sad to see him struggle with getting rid of things that he was hoping to be strong and healthy enough to use again.

This evening, Don said he was going outside for a while.  I watched him as he headed straight for the garage.  He was in there quite a while - just looking around, he said.

I wish all the changes in life were joyful, pleasant and easy.  Unfortunately, that's just not the case.  It's important, though, to handle ALL the days of our lives with the presence of God close beside us.  Finding those things for which we can be thankful.  Laughing as much as possible.  Enjoying the innocence of children.  Resting in the acceptance of family and friends.  Knowing that, through it all, God knows where we are.